I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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