I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
