Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
