She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
