I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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