Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Terrible idea I love it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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