They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
