yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
