HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
