walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think your dad took our porno
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
