Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
