did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
