11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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