areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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