whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
