6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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