My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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