A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
