OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
