Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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