put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
