some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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