don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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