Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
