I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
