he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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