I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize