I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
