i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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