Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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