look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
