I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i've created a new STD.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize