You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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