why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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