you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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