I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
