Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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