Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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