Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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