You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
