If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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