My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
