everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
