Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I died a long time ago.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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