so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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