I accidentally burped into my bong.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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