I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
