just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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