i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
