everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize