Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
