There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
