I could make wine with my vomit
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
