Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
