ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
