What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
