I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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