How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
