Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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