community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
