ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
