I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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