the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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