Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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