I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
