You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
