piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
