We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
