never play flip cup with pint glasses
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
