I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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