Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
