I accidentally had phone sex last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
