i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
