I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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