Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
