Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
