I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
