she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
