if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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