I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
