Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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