Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize