Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
