4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize