i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
