If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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