i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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