5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
