absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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