Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
