I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
