He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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