It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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