I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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