You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
